A Need to Explain...
You know, somewhere at the back of my mind, I had a feeling that I'd get criticized for taking donations here- probably because I really do feel bad about having to do it. But I guess to suspect that people are not liking it versus actually receiving proof of it in an accusing manner are two very different things.

Earlier today, I received my very first "hostile" email about this journal and it's been eating at my brain since. Originally, I was only going to post this at my personal LJ and just air out my thoughts over there, because I didn't feel comfortable about sharing it here. But then I started thinking, "What if many of you feel the same way as what that person said to me in the email?" The thought really did not sit well with me as it's one thing that I definitely do not want to have happen.

The following isn't about me justifying myself or me asking for sympathy, etc. It's me trying to clear up some things and me needing to do this because I don't think I can peacefully continue on with this graphics journal until I've at least spoken up for my side of the story. Under the cut, you will find an excerpt of the email I got. It's relatively short but a fair warning for my comments because they're long. I'm sorry about that, but the whole thing saddens me greatly and I just want to get it all out in the open for once and all.


The email as copied and pasted:
why don't u just use mega upload if ur so worried about bandwidth? they're free. i'm sorry but i think ur exagerating about the money u need run this site. they're just textures u cut from pictures so what's the big deal??? i don't i'm looking at ur textures and they're downloaded 200-300 times and the sizes are not SO BIG so u don't even need THAT MUCH bandwidth. $220/yr is stupid. ur either lying or ur just trying to get people to give u money. i'm sorry if ur offended but that's what i think. everyone makes graphics at lj and trying to get ppl to pay just to see ur bases is just low. u know that's ur most popular textures so I'M not falling for ur beit. i don't even need to credit because u don't own the pictures anyway so why shld i PAY you? u shld stop doing this before u lose all ur friends cos u just lost me.
--------------

Perhaps some of you may be agreeing with what this person wrote. I don't know and I'm not sure what to think. I realize that since this journal is purely a graphics one, most of you don't really know me at all. I generally don't know much people at LJ either so maybe all you guys have to base on me are the posts I make here. It makes me wonder if I've come across as an obnoxious graphic maker who's out for your money? Or have I come off as someone who's so arrogant I'm giving off the message that everyone needs to pay me- and even lying to get money? Truly, the idea makes me quite sad.

There are certain things that I must say in response to the email first. Before I continue, if some of you are confused about what's going on...you can read the short donations post I made about a month ago. That was when I first started taking donations.

---My Response In Regards to the Email's Message---

** First of all, I must clarify that my textures are not "cut from pictures"- I made them, often from scratch and they take a lot of time. I put a lot of effort into them. I don't take pictures and crop them, then go voila...textures for you all!! And news flash, because I did make them...they ARE mine.

** I never said that $220 was solely for the bandwidth/space used at this journal. I said that I use a significant chunk of bandwidth here that's from the server I'm paying for. And I feel compelled to add that while I may be receiving roughly 100-300 comments for my textures, that's nowhere near an accurate representation of the actual number of people downloading them. My server has detailed stats on how much traffic I'm getting and how many times a file of mine has been downloaded...and I'll say now that any given set of my textures have been downloaded thousands of times the last time I checked, and the count continues to add on every single day. The texture bases set I put up last week was downloaded over 1000 times just within the first 24hrs that I've put it up. Add up how many sets I've put up so far (and will continue to put up) in addition to my icons and general journal traffic, then do the math and tell me if it's a small amount of bandwidth we're talking about.

I'm not saying all this to "show off" about how many people have downloaded my stuff. It's not what this is about at all and besides, I'm positively convinced that this amount probably can't even compare to some great graphic makers out there who offer stuff. You know, I've never once complained about putting stuff up for download even knowing how much bandwidth load I'd be adding on to my server. I've never held back from uploading something because of it either. Nor have I ever considered using mega upload because frankly, I find them really not user friendly for downloaders and I would rather not go that route. So it really gets to me to hear that someone thinks my bandwidth is a small matter because they've assumed that they're being downloaded only this or that much...and then accuse me of lying about it to get money.

I'm not doing the donations thing so that I can cheat money off of you guys. I'm not doing it to get rich- do you see me making anyone pay or even set an amount you need to pay, etc? If you know me at all, you will know that I really hate the feeling of taking money from people. This was the main reason that I even started to offer "exclusive downloads" for those select few who have been so kind as to donate. I was SO in awe and shock that someone actually donated...and then I felt terrible because I felt like I NEEDED to thank them somehow for their generosity regardless of how much they have donated. And that's when I came up with the idea to offer them something special as my way of saying thanks. It was the only thing I could think of to do. Mind you, the idea came AFTER someone had donated- it was not a scheme I had in my head to make people give me money.

I'm certainly not doing the "exclusive downloads" in order to cut people off from my graphics so that they will "take the bait" and donate. Most of my graphics are being offered to the public and will continue to be done that way. I've only chosen a select few types of things to give my special donaters like large textures, special requests, texture bases (from now on), and a few extra things. These are the type of things that take me longer than usual to make- hence the best way I could show my genuine appreciation. It's not because they're "my most popular resources" or some silly thing. Hell, I've never even offered large textures to the public before.

Seriously, I would never just stop making graphics because of no donations or some such thing. Truthfully, I've had friends who asked me why I don't charge people for stuff I make over here because making graphics had always been my profession. For those of you who don't know- I was a full-time designer by profession and it's how I made a living. Now because of some circumstances, I've taken up another full-time job and have become a freelance designer to take on side projects. I'm not rich...but rather, I've been really broke for the past two years. I'm left to support a family of 3 on my own, and I started making graphics and resources online not to earn money, but to escape the stress of my RL. I would continue to make them because I enjoy it a lot and it gives me so much gratification seeing how it's being used and loved by others. I'm really not joking when I say keeping this journal helps me stay sane a lot of times. And for all that, I would never charge you guys for my general graphics.

I really hate that I've arrived at a point like this where I felt the need to make such a long post about something that shouldn't be a big deal. It's just one email, I told myself- and I'm probably sounding like I'm being way dramatic over this. But I've never taken well to being accused of something that goes against my personal values. I'm sorry that this post was really long-winded- I'd be surprised if anyone has read this far. -_-; I just really needed to get this out and in a way, I feel better now having given my side of things. I'm aware that there are people unfriending me every day along with others who have newly friended me. I don't know the reasons why I'm being unfriended- perhaps you just dislike me, my graphics, the stuff I throw over here, or maybe you're like the person who emailed me about me taking donations. If you want to, feel free to voice your opinions. I'm expecting that I'd probably get a lot of negative comments over this post, but I realize that I can't please everyone.

But that said, I don't want all you wonderful people to think I'm aiming this post at you. I've always considered myself really lucky to have you lovely people friending this place and leaving me so many encouraging comments. Many of you have been with me right from the start and I remember all your names, comments, etc. I truly love you guys for always being so supportive- it's a huge motivation for me as I've so often said before. I made this post also because I didn't want you guys to think I've turned money hungry or some such thing. And really, thank you SO much for being so great. Even with a bad email, I'd like to think that I've still got some of the best support in the LJ graphics world.

[/ends long post and goes to sleep because it's almost 5am here and I have to work in a few hours]